@Anonymous DH argues, what's the point of going to ivy undergrad if you just end up the same place as those who went to state? Do workplaces even care where you went undergrad once you have a strong grad school, isn't grad school enough to get a network, etc.
Valid perspective but I would suggest that the value of ivy undergrad is in their alumni network and faculty connections that may not always be readily available at the state level.
I was very invested but tried not to be crazy. I have three children that went to "TT" schools. The only thing my husband and I wanted from them was for them to try their best, to be open to new experiences, to understand what a privilege it was to learn in the institutions they were in, and to be good citizens and get the most out of life. They all started activities from a young age that they really responded to (ice skating, tennis, and swimming for example) so I think that really pushed them to be well-rounded as they grew up and to balance their work and "play". We both had high standards but I think one of the best things we tried to do from the beginning was instill in the children that it was important to have high standards for yourself (with the caveat that it is important to let yourself fail sometimes!!). The kids were all pretty good about going to teachers when they needed help or asking me if they needed a tutor.
I will say I did get a little "crazy" when it came to the college process. I made all my kids take SAT prep starting the summer after 9th grade (I think I actually had my youngest start the summer after 8th). They all did very well! And all went to/are attending really fantastic colleges. Not 100% sure what you're looking for about how it worked out? I have two still in college right now and one getting their master's degree. They all felt well-prepared for college even if they absolutely did struggle at times (I think all of them called me a bit teary one week in). Happy to answer any specific questions though!
I am not op but I wonder if you worked f/t? How were you able to juggle 3 kids in high stakes schools with all their activities etc when you're so heavily invested (financially emotionally etc) I have 3 small children and wonder how hard it will be as the years go on.
Lol yea am not sure if I can do it without having at least a nanny and an au pair. And if I'm honest with my self my job isn't that amazing to warrant a staff lol
Not an "older mom" but my general outlook is that all I want is to be at a place to say that I did my best and gave all I could. So yeah, I guess I'll stay very invested and see where everything shakes out.
Suburbs mom here - heres the deal - if you live in a bad burb and your kid Does average to well they will get into a great college. If you go to an esteemed private in city or its equal in another state you can pretty much write your ticket. If you pay 30,000 or more in taxes for shitty land in a fancy neighborhood in the burbs for the school district, it’s a blood bath!!!! maybe 10 kids at most go to ivies the rest are lucky to get into Michigan and maybe 1 duke and vandy. And as to the mom with 8th grade sat prep - what the actual fuck? If I did that to my kids they’d stick Their head in the oven before ever taking the test.
I think you have to define what you mean by "work out". We were very involved in DC's education (TT private, enrichment, travel, ECs, etc.). She isn't at a top 25, but she's at a very good school and is doing great (high GPA, involved in her college, lots of friends, organized and very independent). To me, this is a great outcome. I think a lot of it depends on your kid's temperament. My DD is very independent and if I had run roughshod over her, I think it would have backfired. I've seen a lot of parents put a lot of pressure on their kids and it sometimes "works out" in the sense that they attend a brand name school, but it can come at a steep price if it's not who their child is naturally.
@Anonymous That makes sense, OP. For whatever it's worth, I wouldn't change a thing. I think D received a fabulous K-12 education and she's truly blossoming in college. I think too many parents treat college as the end game when it comes to making educational choices for their younger children, but to me, education is the ultimate long game. I don't think a good education is ever a waste and I truly believe that D will benefit from it for the rest of her life in many direct and indirect ways. We also believed that frequent travel, close relationships and hobbies were important to her education (and not necessarily the kind of hobbies that build a college resume, but things like gardening, cooking, board games, whatever). To me, those things will enrich her life as she evolves from a young adult to a middle aged woman with her own family and into her older age. I don't mean to imply that a kid must have private school and lots of expensive travel to have a good life (we were fortunate to have the option). I'm just saying that by my definition--so far!--it all "worked out" beautifully.
Haha following. This is us.
Will there be a similar thread on parents without means whose kids still got into ivys?
Curious, DH and I (who both went to Ivys for grad and not undergrad) often debate whether questions like these are geared towards undergrad only.
@Anonymous DH argues, what's the point of going to ivy undergrad if you just end up the same place as those who went to state? Do workplaces even care where you went undergrad once you have a strong grad school, isn't grad school enough to get a network, etc.
Valid perspective but I would suggest that the value of ivy undergrad is in their alumni network and faculty connections that may not always be readily available at the state level.
Will there be a similar thread on parents without means whose kids still got into ivys?
OP; for purposes of this question, I'd accept responses from parents without means who still invested in DC to the extent their means allowed.
I was very invested but tried not to be crazy. I have three children that went to "TT" schools. The only thing my husband and I wanted from them was for them to try their best, to be open to new experiences, to understand what a privilege it was to learn in the institutions they were in, and to be good citizens and get the most out of life. They all started activities from a young age that they really responded to (ice skating, tennis, and swimming for example) so I think that really pushed them to be well-rounded as they grew up and to balance their work and "play". We both had high standards but I think one of the best things we tried to do from the beginning was instill in the children that it was important to have high standards for yourself (with the caveat that it is important to let yourself fail sometimes!!). The kids were all pretty good about going to teachers when they needed help or asking me if they needed a tutor.
I will say I did get a little "crazy" when it came to the college process. I made all my kids take SAT prep starting the summer after 9th grade (I think I actually had my youngest start the summer after 8th). They all did very well! And all went to/are attending really fantastic colleges. Not 100% sure what you're looking for about how it worked out? I have two still in college right now and one getting their master's degree. They all felt well-prepared for college even if they absolutely did struggle at times (I think all of them called me a bit teary one week in). Happy to answer any specific questions though!
I am not op but I wonder if you worked f/t? How were you able to juggle 3 kids in high stakes schools with all their activities etc when you're so heavily invested (financially emotionally etc) I have 3 small children and wonder how hard it will be as the years go on.
No, I can imagine that would be a bit more difficult. I was a SAHM.
Lol yea am not sure if I can do it without having at least a nanny and an au pair. And if I'm honest with my self my job isn't that amazing to warrant a staff lol
Not an "older mom" but my general outlook is that all I want is to be at a place to say that I did my best and gave all I could. So yeah, I guess I'll stay very invested and see where everything shakes out.
Suburbs mom here - heres the deal - if you live in a bad burb and your kid Does average to well they will get into a great college. If you go to an esteemed private in city or its equal in another state you can pretty much write your ticket. If you pay 30,000 or more in taxes for shitty land in a fancy neighborhood in the burbs for the school district, it’s a blood bath!!!! maybe 10 kids at most go to ivies the rest are lucky to get into Michigan and maybe 1 duke and vandy. And as to the mom with 8th grade sat prep - what the actual fuck? If I did that to my kids they’d stick Their head in the oven before ever taking the test.
Omg lol
I think you have to define what you mean by "work out". We were very involved in DC's education (TT private, enrichment, travel, ECs, etc.). She isn't at a top 25, but she's at a very good school and is doing great (high GPA, involved in her college, lots of friends, organized and very independent). To me, this is a great outcome. I think a lot of it depends on your kid's temperament. My DD is very independent and if I had run roughshod over her, I think it would have backfired. I've seen a lot of parents put a lot of pressure on their kids and it sometimes "works out" in the sense that they attend a brand name school, but it can come at a steep price if it's not who their child is naturally.
op: I intentionally left "work out" to be vague, as I think every parent comes to raising kids with their own unique goals and hopes.
@Anonymous That makes sense, OP. For whatever it's worth, I wouldn't change a thing. I think D received a fabulous K-12 education and she's truly blossoming in college. I think too many parents treat college as the end game when it comes to making educational choices for their younger children, but to me, education is the ultimate long game. I don't think a good education is ever a waste and I truly believe that D will benefit from it for the rest of her life in many direct and indirect ways. We also believed that frequent travel, close relationships and hobbies were important to her education (and not necessarily the kind of hobbies that build a college resume, but things like gardening, cooking, board games, whatever). To me, those things will enrich her life as she evolves from a young adult to a middle aged woman with her own family and into her older age. I don't mean to imply that a kid must have private school and lots of expensive travel to have a good life (we were fortunate to have the option). I'm just saying that by my definition--so far!--it all "worked out" beautifully.