We have a new mom who works as a consultant to our team. She’s very good at her job and very responsive. Over the summer I talked to her about her availability, which was limited because of her first child being born this spring, and we agreed that I‘d pay her a monthly retainer versus hourly so she could afford a nanny. So we’ve been paying her about twice what she was making before, and she’s also been working more, but she often has her baby with her on our calls which is really distracting and getting to be annoying. I asked her what changed and why her nanny wasnt around but she gives various excuses that the nanny is off that day, their apartment is small etc.
I need to give her some feedback and I want to be sensitive given everything that’s going on in the world, but I also know that she expects a year end bonus and I’m frustrated that I feel like she‘s not honoring our agreement to use the monthly income security to hire a full time nanny.
How should I discuss this with her?
This is a tough year and a tough time not to give a bonus. I think you need to first clarify for yourself what your pay, hours and performance expectations are. Your post suggests that it’s a sliding and I’ll defined scale. It sounds as though her rate of pay has increased faster than her increase in hours - which isn’t intuitive given that the initial pay was also supposed to cover childcare. That said, you can stand on that to make clear that your policy on childcare is unchanged. This should be the focus of your conversation - planning for the future beginning on a date certain in January - and not withholding a bonus because you feel like you prepaid it by letting her pass on childcare.
Thank you. She’s always been super reliable and responsive, and she didnt have a child before, so I think you’re right that I should have been more clear about our expectations. The challenge is that she doesent seem to have any childcare whatsoever right now. Literally the last 10+ times I’ve talked to her shes got her son in her lap.
@Anonymous Devil's advocate, but the fact that she has a child on her lap doesn't automatically mean she doesn't have coverage. It's very hard to work at home even with a nanny, the kid often wants the mom, and the guilt can be large. I think you need to focus on proper work etiquette, not on what her nanny situation is.
Were you explicit in your initial discussion that it was company policy/clear expectation that she was going to have childcare and be taking care of DB while “at work”? If yes, it’s easier to say you have been lax because of general hard times and leading in your holidays but you cannot go on letting her be an exception without concrete plan/timeframe to revert to policy.
I don't think you can direct how she spends her money, irrespective of why you gave it. You can, however, ask for certain behavior during meetings to stop. That being said, almost everyone that I know of right now has situations where kids go on the call and we're all understanding about it.
Yes I agree and I’m the same with my own kids. But not 100% of the time. I think I need to understand what’s happened to her nanny because for the last few weeks she doesn’t seem to have had any coverage whatso ever
Np: I wouldn’t ask about nanny as it’s not your business. However, I would make it clear that while you understand the challenges of working from home with db, your expectation is the same as if she were in the office. We’ve been in pandemic long enough that she should have found a more permanent solution to childcare (whatever it is is not your concern as long as there isn’t a dc on her lap every time you speak to her. Once in a while, understandable. All the time, inappropriate).
@Anonymous Oh, come on. The expectation is NOT the same as it is in the office. Not for anyone with any sense.
Maybe her dh lost his job and they now need that money for essentials? Lots of things could have happened. But I would just say, Jane, we are so grateful to have you with us. You are such an awesome and valued employee. Your work on X was terrific, and I appreciated how you turned around Y. You've always been so reliable and responsive that I feel lucky to have you on the team. I know it's incredibly difficult to accomplish all that you're doing at home with a small baby, and it makes me all the more grateful for your hard work.
I would like to ask you about childcare coverage. Do you have sufficient coverage? Is everything ok? Because I noticed that you seemed to struggle with A assignment and B pitch, which is not your normal M.O. If your nanny is unable to provide childcare during calls and meetings and other parts of the workday, can you use the childcare retainer to hire a backup caregiver? Can we be more flexible with certain meeting times and deadlines so that we have your full focus? How can we partner on this? Just wanted to get your thoughts on the best way to manage this since we will be in this wfh situation for awhile longer!
so I would still give her the bonus if you want to keep her but I would definitely say something. Not to come down on her but to work with her. And be sure to talk to Legal and HR first. GL.
Thanks so much. Her husband is busy with his work too, and we’re definitely going to pay her a bonus. I just need to communicate like you suggested, we value her full attention and need to get back to that. I’ll share an update after I speakto her
@Anonymous You'll never go wrong coming from a place of compassion and sincere desire to help. It's a fragile time -- in general but especially with a baby at home. Work demands compel you to proceed, just do so sensitively and with as much kindness and compassion as you can muster. This is a moment where you can either make her a loyal employee for life or you can send her packing. Maybe she let the nanny go because she was afraid of transmission. You somehow need to engender enough trust to figure out why this is happening so that you can adjust accordingly -- move meeting times to nap-times, etc. This situation is short term, your relationship with her is not. Best of luck.
I would take an easy hand and just say, please don't have the baby with you when we are on calls. You totally get it, you are a Mom too, and (not but) please be mindful. People have been noticing. Then if she comes back with But But But say, Please don't have the baby with you during our calls. Just repeat it calmly, no big deal. But firm. Then move on.
This is the kind of thing that can send someone packing. And quickly. You're certainly within your rights to take this approach, but only do it if you don't care whether she stays or goes. If you ask a mom, esp a new mom, to choose between you and her baby, it will be a pyrrhic victory, even if you win in the short term.
I read this as the woman is pushing the boundaries and needs a clear but fair directive. she wasn't hired to be a mom, she was hired to do a job.
We are in a pan-dem-ic!!! We were all hired to do jobs under conditions that are the polar opposite of what they are now. We all need to work together and be understanding until things are back to normal.
I have been juggling mine for months with on off childcare (so many situations including dh who lost job meaning we could no longer afford nanny so dh had to do kids but sometimes dh has job intvs). it sucks for everyone. As a long time manager i would suggest 2 things: 1 ask her; 'does it make sense to change our meeting times to when the nanny is there or the baby is sleeping? happy to change the time so it's more convenient on your end.' then deal with the response (you are sort of tacitly making a point without putting her on the spot.) then i'd deal with performance issues separately. You don't know if they're related and it's a horrible time for parents of young kids so suggesting they are - while possibly true - helps no one.
WFH is hard on seasoned parents let alone a new mother. Think back to days when you were new to this, you probably thought that if baby cries you have to hold him or her on your lap and nobody but you would do without permanently traumatizing the child. She doesn’t yet know what she is doing. I agree with those who said to proceed with compassion. Ask if there is a better time to have calls when her DC is either napping or with a nanny (or whoever else). address performance and childcare separately.
I just want to add I've heard people who wfm permanently have had to prove they have childcare. Granted covid has changed things but I don't think it's unreasonable to prove to your employer you do have childcare if you are remote. It is really hard to work from home with kids as they become.mobile and many mothers are in denial abt that until it's super distracting (I have 3 small children and occasionally have to wfh,. I have a ft nanny so I know what I'm saying lol)
This is different since you're taking a risk of contracting covid by having a nanny come into your home every day. In the age of COVID, not having adequate childcare can provide the basis to wfh in the first place, to help manage your home situation. Insisting that she have childcare in a pandemic is not going to be helpful -- giving her work arounds will be.
also bear in mind covid has changed everything. we pay for 2 x private school fees but school is closed most of the time and never full time, dh lost his job. we have lately had to have a ft nanny - but honestly f*** employers who say 'you have to have full time help'. then pay me more. it sounds like op was paying this woman specific amount for childcare. but ditto the above - infection risk is v high w nanny.
I guarantee you she does not have a nanny. I have many women on my team working from home with newborns and saving money in daycare/ nannies. The savings is great but I can’t imagine how they get work done