Have tried therapy on and off for years with no great success. Found someone Who seems smarter and maybe more learned than other therapists I’ve been to. Is it worth it? Will it work. It’s a hefty price tag, but am
a mess of a person. Tell me your honest opinion. Thanks
nobody can tell you for sure if it will "work", but what most therapists would tell you is the fit/relationship is in some ways the most important thing in predicting whether therapy will help. If you are comfortable with this person it could make a big difference.
Do it. I've tried several therapist over the years too. If you find a good one, it could be life changing.
I think trusting and respecting the therapist is key to making progress. I tried a few therapists and always gave up after a few sessions because it was not worth it. Then found a great therapist who I saw for years. I have now more or less "graduated", and I think I am a far happier and better off person for it.
Seconding PP, with the right therapist it can be life-changing, and saving. If this person isn't a good fit, keep looking. I've had some bad therapists, but my therapist now is an excellent fit, smart, highly trained, and extremely caring. Sessions can be tough, but I also know he is always there for me when things are really bad. And yes, it's expensive, but for me it's been very worth it.
are there any tips for finding the right fit? Or is it all trial and error?
@Anonymous IME, it really is trial and error, although I always knew within one or two sessions if it worked or not. Definitely ask people you know for referrals.
Go to Psychology Today and look at their Psychologist Finder. You can find some in your geography, read their bios, check on what insurance they take. Find three that resonate with you. Google them to see if any more info comes up. Contact them and ask for an initial consult, often free. Pick one and try them out.
Good luck, OP. A good therapist can be life changing.
I'm a therapist (and patient!) and I can confirm that the "therapeutic alliance" (jargon for relationship/fit) is one of the most important factors in whether the treatment "works." It can be a lot of work to find the right person. Psychology Today and Goodtherapy.org are good places to start, but it can be very hard to sort through them all.
Also, therapy is a LONG process (unless you're looking to address a specific, targeted issue). Sometimes I think that when people say "therapy didn't work" it's because they didn't give it a chance and were disappointed in how slow it went (which I can totally empathize with). It's taken you your whole life to get to where you are, and it's going to take a while to untangle some of it. Therapists often get a sense early on for what you might need to work on, but it takes them a while to figure things out too!
What kind of issues are you hoping to address?
Thank you! I had a rough childhood financially, sick mom who passed when I was in my early 20s. As such, I have spent much of my adult life making decisions based on fear craving security and stability and as a result I’m kind of regretting My whole set up. dissatisfied in many ways. Growing bitter. also personal interactions are laced with grudge holding and terrible Defensiveness. Don’t have great interpersonal skills when conflict arises. Thank you
@Anonymous I'm so sorry to hear this. You've certainly had a rough go of things and you deserve to feel better. What have you disliked about your previous therapies/therapists?
I have a therapist I've seen for 20 years. She excels at trauma. Changed my life. She is not strong at marriage and relationships and I grew frustrated because she was not insightful about this. So I hired another therapist six months ago and talk to her about those issues. I like having both. I do one every other week. The third element is this: your own research. YouTube has some excellent therapists and mentors and guides that I have found to be essentially free and excellent therapy in that you learn about what it is you're missing: good relationship, career, self esteem, self belief. Lots of TED talks etc. I watch these because I feel like it improves the therapeutic experience by rounding it out and allowing me to better understand/dig into my own issues. The years I only saw one therapist and then never really looked elsewhere for wisdom and guidance on these topics were the slowest moving years in terms of change. So I think you have to really become a student of your issues once you learn what they are. I was raised by personality disordered parents. The more I learn about these behaviors by experts on youtube the less therapy I need (or the therapy I have it is more effective). Healing takes a village. GL to you
And having said that I think that therapy is less about learning about behaviors as it is helping you process your emotions. It has been super helpful for me to understand narcissistic personality disorder on an intellectual level and know that people with NPD are literally incapable of love the way we know it (among other problematic issues). Knowledge brings so much relief and understanding and then I can process the effect of those relationships on me in a more emotional way in therapy. If that makes sense.