DD is rushing (virtually) at her university. I wasn't in a sorority and have been somewhat skeptical of the value (and worried about the downside). But now I'm worried that she won't get into her top picks or will be rejected altogether. Crazy right?
May I ask what school? I was in a sorority at a large southern university. There is value I guess, but in retrospect, it's not the end of the world not being one either. How are they going about it virtually?
If she is rushing an established sorority you might be able to help her out by getting recommendations ("recs") from alums of that sorority. Many many non-Greek moms miss this opportunity and - it can make the difference for young women who are on the cusp of getting in.
I was in a sorority in a texas university. It was low stakes rush though... not at UT or anything. She needs to go in with the mindset of seeing if it’s for her. It’s really not a big deal. She can even pledge and decided not to get fully initiated. I ended up doing an art major and hanging out with the people in my major over the sorority during my junior/senior years. There were some good times but it wasn’t the end all/be all of college for me.
At some schools it is a big deal and - it's not as fun to be there if you're not in the Greek system. So why not give your daughter an advantage? There's probably a Reddit for your daughter's school rush to help you figure out what to buy her before the parties and teas. The thing is, there are some girls who will be wanted by every sorority. If that is not your daughter then - give her as many advantages as you can - so the choice whether or not to join is hers.
I was wanted by all sororities as you say, at least at one point during rush. Fwiw I ended up deactivating once I made more of a life outside of the sorority. It was fun freshman year but the luster wore off quickly.
OP. She is attending a midsized school in the Bay Area. Greek life is not a huge thing and they only have a handful of sororities. I don’t know all the details about virtual rush, but it seems like a difficult venue in which to shine and show your personality. I guess I should be relieved that she’s not in a super competitive school in the South. But I know she’ll be disappointed if she gets rejected. I’ll ask her if she needs letters of recommendation. Looking at reddit is also a good idea.
I was a sorority woman at a small college in the northeast. Something like 40% were greek, but it wasn't a big deal if you weren't. The whole thing was pretty laid back when compared to the big southern schools. I get your apprehensions, though. I was not a typical sorority-type and I went into with with an open mind and the idea that I could always drop out at any time. I'm glad I did it. I made great friends!
Wow. Not at all the metrics in the 90's. Mine I felt was just did you have adequate social graces, were more or less reasonably attractive and outgoing (enough). That's all!
You had a better Greek environment than I did - I’m jealous!
Mostly looks, I would say, but also personality. Each sorority has its own look and feel, and for the most part, they’re looking for people to fit the mold. They use the grades and scores to get rid of people, in my opinion - they don’t want academic liabilities because then they’re put on probation (and their social activities are limited).
I would say this rings true for the “popular” or “most desirable” houses - the ones woman want (and can be the most women clamoring to join) and with which the men all want to hang out. As you go down in “tier” (or whatever system people use for ranking them), the emphasis on looks and personality lessens. For the sororities at “the bottom”, many will take anyone who wants them.
I say all of this all as a former member of a sorority (who would encourage women to find outside interests) - looking back, I am glad I kept friendships even when they weren’t deemed important or valuable by the Greek social structure (even though it made things difficult for me, in some respects, at the time - how screwed up is that?!). It’s so easy to get caught up in the exclusivity of it all. No matter what happens, please affirm (and reaffirm) that no matter where she lands, her self worth and value are not determined by her house, or its placement in the larger Greek social structure - that can get lost in the process.
Bonus: almost no one cares about this stuff after college.
OP. Ugh. This is exactly what I'm worried about. It seems cliquey and exclusive vis-a-vis other women and like a giant sex/drinking/party scene vis-a-vis men (and with the types of men who only want one night stands with hot girls). I hope I'm wrong in this assessment, but it's just not my scene at all. I wish she weren't into it and would just skip rushing altogether, but she is moving forward with it. She insists that I have a dated outlook in general, and that at her specific school, it's not nearly as superficial as it is at the larger schools where Greek life is a bigger deal. She might be right; the greek system at her school is technically unaffiliated with the university. So there are frats and sororities, but not a Greek row and not promoted by the school. She thinks it would be a great way to meet people and make friends but assures me that if it's shallow, mean spirited or otherwise lame, she'll drop out. Your advice about reminding her not to get caught up in the house or its "ranking" in the overall structure is important. I feel like she's eyeing the "top" houses (as told to her by a fellow student) and I have no idea if she'll get in. It seems like a recipe for heartache.
If it’s an unaffiliated Greek system (which probably means the sororities are local, not national?), it may not be as shallow as it was in my experience (large public university in the mid-Atlantic region). I will keep my fingers crossed for both of you!