What do you think about a parenting strategy that revolves around the easiest target/child? I.e., one DC is a bully and terrorizes the other DC, but the parent tells the “victim” to be kind and understanding to the bully, because said bully DC has it harder in life (hard time at school, work and with relationships, etc)? both during childhood and with adult DCs? Do you think this is fair or an effective parenting strategy? Have you seen anything like this in your family?
I think it's terrible. The parents should step up and do the hard work of addressing the bully's issues, including professional help if necessary, instead of doing nothing and just asking the victim to be ok with being victimized. If I were the victim DC, my parents would have to pray that they never needed anything from me as an adult, because I would not lift a finger to help them, like they didn't lift a finger to help me. Have not seen that exact scenario, but have seen favoritism, and it never works out well once the DCs are adults.
What does fair mean? What does effective mean? What is the goal?
I also think, based on how you wrote this, that there is a lot of perception driving this question. It may have *seemed* that the "bully" dc was both a bully and favored, which may or may not be the case.
Does it matter though? If the bully is favored or not, does it change the fact that the victim DC is left to clean up the parenting failures of his/her parents?
Who says the "victim" DC is cleaning up parenting failures? Who says a "bully" DC is a parenting failure? That's my point. These are all perceptions that may or may not be reality.
Are you talking about your in laws or your parents who favor one kid over the other?