After years of being bitter about having to work and struggling with balance etc., my oldest is going off to college and I find myself increasingly happy about working and enjoy it more than hanging out with the moms I used to be desperate to be friends with. Does this make sense?
Totally. I'm a year behind you, but I cannot wait.
Op here - maybe work cloaks my social anxiety or my inability to fit in with the suburban moms im surrounded by, but either way I’m immensely satisfied in a way that I never anticipated feeling. So, to all
you working moms out there, the future is bright!
I love my work. It’s really import to me to be busy, financially independent and purposeful
Do you have a separate bank account? Everything I earn ends up going towards the mortgage, childcare, household expenses. I have zero $ to my name. I'm not sure how I am financially independent. I seem to be working too hard and DH taking it too easy.
But if you were to leave him you’d still be able to earn and support yourself
Exactly - Happily married here. But if DH and I were to split, we would split current assets 50/50, but I would be able to support myself moving forward.
It’s important to be financially independent. I sometimes envy the suburban moms whose DHs buy them a GLS or whatever while I have to work so damn hard. My DH is unemployed so I don’t have options anyway, but I’d rather be me than him.
I used to feel that way, but now I don’t. I would love for dh to spoil me but I am proud of me!
I know the feeling, trust me. But when the SAHMs I know tell me about their awful controlling DHs, I am happy I don’t have to deal with it. of course being a working mom has lots of challenges too, so I truly don’t know who has it better - in fact I don’t believe any group has it better. Individually, a SAHM with independent means and a loving doting DH probably has the best life!
Yup. Mostly I am happy to have a job for the structure and the money but I am secretly very jealous of women of leisure.
Do you need the money? Why not just SAHM?
Might I suggest part time? VT ER mom here. I work roughly 25 hours a week, and 25% of that is non-clinical administrative duties from home. It’s divine. The downside is working the occasional evening, night, weekend, or holiday.
Bitter Betty
Working mom here, DC is away at college. It does get easier to work when DC are out of the house although I do miss DC like crazy.
Young working mom here. I hope so. I had DC in grad school (so I've always been a working mom). They should be in college when I'm still young, so I keep telling myself to be in it for the long game.
How old will you be when they start college?
@Anonymous in my early 40's.
That will be nice!
hmmm... as a FT Working Mom, I thought I'd feel more empowered by reading this post. I am not. I just feel blah. Of course, it would be easier when your kids are in college / out of the house.
I agree PT would be nice. I don't need to work financially and am, during covid and going forward, thinking that I should stop altogether
I couldn't agree more. My DD is a freshman in college and we're now empty nesters. I am incredibly grateful that I maintained my job and professional identity. I've been very lucky to be self employed and to have a flexible schedule while making good money (although DH was the primary earner). But as DD got closer to college, I ramped up a bit more and feel like my client roster is the best it's ever been. Plus, I still maintain a part time schedule and am taking some online classes and spending time with DH. If I could advise my younger self, I would say that having an identity outside of my family, staying intellectually engaged and contributing financially are important and worthy and to stick with it (even though it felt overwhelming at times).
Op here: thank you! I feel validated!
Moms who feel good about working for the future balance, do you have multiple kids? I have three and really are struggling with FT work now that they need me more (all elem school).
I don’t think that what we are forced to do now, during the pandemic, should be taken as gospel for our normal lives. Of course it’s harder now, but I am sure you have external help otherwise (school, nanny, tutors and cleaning lady).
@ Anonymous with the kids, I’ve never felt good about having Full time corporate job. A ton of women have resigned from their jobs, for good reason.
I am the op - I worked part time but crazy part time - big Commute and lots of travel and then I would have two days at home. It was not easy I don’t know how I did it. But now that I’m on the other side and see how great my kids are and how much money is socked Away and how good I feel about myself, I’m glad I stuck it out.
I am new to being a SAHM. I’ve known many who married really nice men and those men do everything for their families. I was always a bit jealous bc there is no glory in being exhausted and anxious all of the time. Sadly a lot of the strong independent women I’ve worked with have truly terrible spouses. I don’t know how they manage with the insane job and those men ! DH is a kind soul and is very happy that we are all less stressed out. 2 FT jobs and 3 kids is overwhelming. The plan was always for me to retire at 50, but I’m 44 (5, 9,&11 yo kids) now and hoping I don’t have to go back.
Op here: I have a great spouse and I’m a working mom. And my kids are awesome. And you sound smug and annoying. It took all I could to not to say something worse lol.
@ Anonymous wow, you sound really bitter. Feel Sorry for you. I lost my job in April and am the happiest I’ve been in YEARS! If that comes off as smug, it’s your problem, not mine. You haven’t changed at all! In your OP you said you were bitter, sad that you still are. Life is too short!! I’m going to go enjoy my kids now. It seems you are desperate for some validation because you missed out with your kids. Sad sad woman with a major inferiority complex.
Hardly. You’re just smug and over generalizing and obnoxious . I’m not bitter, I’m happy. And I worked part time during my kids’ younger years and haven’t missed out on much, except hanging out with drips like you. enjoy your amazing dh lol.