I am heartbroken. She has been a victim of cruel girl world where she was tossed from two groups of friends. Seems all the groups are already established and she is so broken that she doesn’t have it in her anymore to try to fit in. Senior year is filled with so many things and she won’t be able to participate in any. Any Btdt or words of wisdom?
Can she do remote learning? My son is the same. Although heartbreaking it might be better. Just accept and try to accommodate her.
In terms of trying to offer wisdom, what type of school is she in? The advice depends on whether she is in a small private SS or a large public co-ed or something in between.
She’s in a large co Ed wealthy suburban public
@Anonymous OK. Does she participate in any sports or activities? In HS, I wasn't really in of the girl groups, but I threw myself into sports and activities and that was my social life. And it was fun. Senior year is not too late to get engaged with a group that she's interested (and it can also be something outside of school). She has one more year until she's done with this.
I have. There is no recourse
I would tell her not to give up!! She is too young to give up. She may find a wonderful friend this year. Anything is possible at that age! Also tell her her life will change when she goes to college and will meet tons of new people. Just give her lots of love in the interim.
Realistically senior year most likely won’t be filled with so many things this year. I can also understand not having the energy for finding an entirely new friend group when she’s probably just looking forward to getting as far away as possible from your suburb when she goes to college next year. Listen to what she wants for her senior year instead of trying to force her to live your idea of what senior year should be (saying that in nicest way possible). She had a group of friends so she is clearly social etc. she’ll make new friends in college even if she doesn’t find a new group in the middle of a pandemic this year.
I had no friends in high school but made tons of friends in college where I could start over. She just needs to tough it out this year. It will get better.
I dont have an idea of
senior year. She wants all of it. She’s super social and fun and would love to participate in spirit days and decorating things and the proms and without friends none of it is available to her.
Op here - me too, I’m her mom
Are those things (spirit days, decorating, proms) going ahead in your district this year? Most schools I know of that are opening at all are doing bare bones instruction, certainly no social events.
If she wants those things and they're even still happening, I agree with the advice to get involved in an extracurricular club at school. Sport or band or yearbook or whatever will probably give her a group to do stuff with. (A lot of schools have also put e/cs on hiatus, but if this school is still holding spirit days and decorating projects...)
Why can't she participate in those activities? You sign up and participate. It sounds like a big enough school where there will be some kids she probably hasn't even met before.
Do you have any idea why the girls have excluded her?
My 16 year-old dd has acquaintances in school, but her true friends are from summer camp. They all live far away (one in Europe), but they stay in constant touch. Is there an activity outside of school your dd would enjoy where she would meet like minded kids? When I was in high school, I made most of my friends through a youth group doing volunteer work. What does she care about?
Yes, her best friends are her camp friends but they live far. they are like sisters. She also has a few friends she has met on vacation or through others who she is very close with. None In school.
From what i remember of high school, a lot of the exclusion was really about insecurity. People are trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in and they reject other people as a way of rejecting things they are uncomfortable with about themselves. It's not personal and it's not intentionally malicious but it happens. But then something else tends to happen senior year, which is that all of a sudden with an eye to the future there's a certain confidence and maturity that starts to set in. And everyone sort of looks around and has a new appreciation for the people there up with and there is more kindness and openness. That's not to say your dd should wait for the mean girls to reinvite her into their group so she can be their bff again. (Though they may be nice or even apologetic toward her this year and she should be friendly and polite in return). But she should look around for connections she can rebuild. Maybe there's a kid she knew in 2nd grade and hasn't spoken to in years. Or someone in a completely different friend group who she knows from a sport. All she needs is to have some people she can eat lunch with and do some of the senior activities with. They don't have to be best friends for life, though maybe they will be. It's also a fun time to have a boyfriend and to have more freedom to spend time with friends outside of school, which puts less pressure on the school thing.
I’m sorry to hear this. Just be there for her, encourage her to focus on the great friends and friendships she has elsewhere, and thankfully this year will be over soon.