And I feel like I do not understand her. I love her but I am worried she lacks resilience or grit. She is all about social media, dancing, keeping up appearances. Makes me sad. I should be proud I have this beautiful daughter and yet I want her to be more like Blossom.
I agree with many here. The two are not mutually exclusive. My dd is extremely hardworking, will study when others don't, plays through injuries and pain in her sports, stand up for others, etc. But is also beautiful, a little vain, spends much of her free time making tik toks, and spends all of her allowance on gloss, hair things, and clothes. None of that means she lacks grit or resilience. I was like that as well-- have always been a girly girl who cared about appearances, but I also cared about academics and sports and worked hard my whole life and am successful now because of it. If your DD needs more grit or whatever then you need to focus on that and that alone bc you won't change her personality at this point.
It's not either/or. I have a girl similar to Anon, above. At age 12, really into her "aesthetic"... wears makeup, cute clothes, wants to decorate her room constantly, etc. But she also spent about 5 hrs today plowing through her homework and prides herself on being smart and hardworking in school. If I were you I would just focus on building up her grit, and ignore the girly stuff. It's not one or the other.
I agree that you have to separate the issues. You can care about social media, clothes and such, and still be a hard worker. I have one of those, she puts lip gloss to go take the garbage out, but also can study late into the night and go for extra practices of her sport, just to be better. So they are not exclusive. I also don't like this focus on looks and possessions but it's close to impossible to change a tween. The best you can do is model the behavior you wish she learned. Work hard, be frugal, spend on what matters.
i get it. if i wish my parents did one things differently raising me, it would be to stop talking about how pretty i was and make me buckle down and get used to working hard. im so bad with delayed gratification now and yes i feel like the most important part of me my most valuable assets revolve around my appearance. dont feel good about it.
The issue of grit/resilience seems different than the issue of social media/dancing. If you focus on what really upsets you, I feel you'll be able to address it better. (I keep re-writing this to get a tone that has a positive tone, sorry if that isn't coming across).