@Anonymous it's worse because I've had to work so hard and it makes me so stressed and so tired and kind of depressed. I don't feel like I have time to relax and enjoy life, and don't have any choice as dh is jobless, but I'm grateful for the opportunities that my career has given me to succeed.
Are you kidding me? I had no idea that my life would play out the way it has. When I reminisce about the fanciful ideas I had in my 20s, I feel like kicking myself really hard for making the decisions regarding my education and marriage.
I could never have pictured the life I have now. And I don't think I could explain my life to my 20 year old self. It is nothing like what she thought she was moving toward. And yet, I'm happy and I know myself so much better now. And it's been a progression. 30 year old me had already been through some things and she would be thrilled to know where I am now.
Career-wise, yes pretty much. But I thought I would marry better. And although I resisted having kids until my late 30's because I knew it would be hard and I didn't have good role models for parenthood, it has been even more difficult than I expected. (Not that I regret it).
Like how I thought it would be when I was a kid? My life is better in many ways than I imagined. But I didn't have a good childhood so the bar was low.
Opposite of what I thought. Thought one kid, huge house, nanny, 2 big careers. We have a normal house, 3 kids and I SAH with them. I am happier this way
Excluding the crazy current environment, I'll say the following: I wanted to be a SAHM of 4 kids and live near my family. I wanted an awesome spouse and a beach house.
I am a WOHM of 3 awesome kids. I have an awesome spouse and a beach home.
I am genuinely happy with my life and am proud of my kids and my imperfect marriage. I am very grateful. I recognize that my career has afforded us a lot, but that I also missed a lot when my kids were very little.
Hm. Probably not. I had delusions of grandeur. Lol. But, I have a nice family and financial security and still have a job and health which in these times are the most important things.
Good question and interesting thread. My life is in many ways what I thought it would be but so many of the little things are harder than I thought they would be. Two reasonably high income professionals, but life is expensive and the trade-offs are tricky. We live nowhere near extended family because they live in opposite directions and we are effectively in the middle and really can’t move closer to either. All parents getting old and one set needs financial assistance but there are all sorts of cultural complications that make it fraught and ultimately more expensive. BUT two awesome, smart, kind and capable kids and a DH who is a fundamentally good and reliable partner.
I thought I would have no kids, get married late in life after being a swinging bachelorette for a long while. Instead I got married young and had kids late in life. Everything worked out pretty well. I did not realize how much joy I would have missed if I didn't have kids. And financially it was a huge advantage to be 2 decent incomes, no kids for so long. So it all worked out.
I don't think I had any major ideas about my life. I never really wanted dcs but wanted to be married. I didn't limit my choice to finding someone who didn't want children so it was kind of a given that I would have children once I met dh. Dh is successful which is very freeing- I'm able to have a non stressful job, I like working but don't want anything stressful or with crazy hours. I have a lot of help with dcs, they drive me crazy a bit but are really wonderful- 4 and 7. I like a lot of time to relax and also time with friends and I do my best to make it happen. So i guess my answer is I'm happy but may have been happier in a different life without kids.
I am happy with how things turned out - I even had the exact wedding I envisioned as a girl and I'm still with my husband after 24 years. We have two dcs of opposite gender that never gave me too much trouble and actually get along (I can hear them gaming with their cousins virtually as I type laughing and whooping it up) and recently purchased a second home that we are super excited about making memories in. I do have to say that seeing myself getting older is really hard (managing weight - seeing wrinkles - I was hot in my 20's! - now - eh) . My career, although there isn't where I'd like it to be and, at 46 - I don't know if it will ever be. I feel invisible outside of my family if that makes sense. Feel like I need more to be really happy. Yes, I've been to therapy, etc - and I'm working on things but rationally, I know I have a really good life and am grateful for what I have.
overall, sounds pretty good! Have you done the work but things just haven’t clicked the way you wanted in your career or is it that in a vacuum, you would have wanted a “bigger” job than you have?
I don't think I ever really imagined anything. Never had traditional fantasies a la a big wedding and kids. I wasn't opposed to having kids but it wasn't a given. I have some regrets about my marriage - it's not terrible but I settled for someone who I liked but wasn't swept off my feet...assumed the alternative was being single forever...sometimes I think I would have been better off taking that chance.
Career-wise, I was never all that focused. Guess I always assumed I'd focus at some point. But here I am almost 50 and I still wonder what I'm doing with my life. Given that, I've been relatively successful, at least resume-wise (my profession is low-paying, so not in terms of $$).
I often feel jealous of people who seem to have much more successful careers and happier marriages. But also recognize that things could be worse - way worse. My kids are absolutely a joy - even as teenagers! - and I'm so grateful to have them in my life.
Right now??? SMH
SO MUCH WORSE although i am much more professionally successful than i imagined. But much more tired and life harder.
is it worse because of the work you've had to put in to be successful professionally, or is it other factors that are making you tired, etc?
@Anonymous it's worse because I've had to work so hard and it makes me so stressed and so tired and kind of depressed. I don't feel like I have time to relax and enjoy life, and don't have any choice as dh is jobless, but I'm grateful for the opportunities that my career has given me to succeed.
I am so sorry and can totally relate. I feel like I was duped by DH. He promised a lot and kept little.
Are you kidding me? I had no idea that my life would play out the way it has. When I reminisce about the fanciful ideas I had in my 20s, I feel like kicking myself really hard for making the decisions regarding my education and marriage.
How would you do it differently? I am almost done paying my massive student loans, and that is something I 100% regret.
Yes, exactly as planned and I’m still not satisfied
I could never have pictured the life I have now. And I don't think I could explain my life to my 20 year old self. It is nothing like what she thought she was moving toward. And yet, I'm happy and I know myself so much better now. And it's been a progression. 30 year old me had already been through some things and she would be thrilled to know where I am now.
that's great to hear
Career-wise, yes pretty much. But I thought I would marry better. And although I resisted having kids until my late 30's because I knew it would be hard and I didn't have good role models for parenthood, it has been even more difficult than I expected. (Not that I regret it).
Did you go into the marriage knowing it wasn't ideal?
@Anonymous Yes, but I was tired of dating, and he was a lot nicer to me before we had kids.
@BrooklynMom I'm sorry. that's rough.
Like how I thought it would be when I was a kid? My life is better in many ways than I imagined. But I didn't have a good childhood so the bar was low.
My life is pretty great overall.
Opposite of what I thought. Thought one kid, huge house, nanny, 2 big careers. We have a normal house, 3 kids and I SAH with them. I am happier this way
I don't think I really had an image or plan or a way I thought it would go, but I'm thrilled with my life and am grateful for all that I have.
Excluding the crazy current environment, I'll say the following: I wanted to be a SAHM of 4 kids and live near my family. I wanted an awesome spouse and a beach house.
I am a WOHM of 3 awesome kids. I have an awesome spouse and a beach home.
I am genuinely happy with my life and am proud of my kids and my imperfect marriage. I am very grateful. I recognize that my career has afforded us a lot, but that I also missed a lot when my kids were very little.
I never really expected anything, have financial and material success which is surprising. Work extremely hard, but I always expected that part.
Hm. Probably not. I had delusions of grandeur. Lol. But, I have a nice family and financial security and still have a job and health which in these times are the most important things.
What were you hoping for that didn’t materialize?
Fame, fortune- doing something that would distinguish me.
Good question and interesting thread. My life is in many ways what I thought it would be but so many of the little things are harder than I thought they would be. Two reasonably high income professionals, but life is expensive and the trade-offs are tricky. We live nowhere near extended family because they live in opposite directions and we are effectively in the middle and really can’t move closer to either. All parents getting old and one set needs financial assistance but there are all sorts of cultural complications that make it fraught and ultimately more expensive. BUT two awesome, smart, kind and capable kids and a DH who is a fundamentally good and reliable partner.
I thought I would have no kids, get married late in life after being a swinging bachelorette for a long while. Instead I got married young and had kids late in life. Everything worked out pretty well. I did not realize how much joy I would have missed if I didn't have kids. And financially it was a huge advantage to be 2 decent incomes, no kids for so long. So it all worked out.
I don't think I had any major ideas about my life. I never really wanted dcs but wanted to be married. I didn't limit my choice to finding someone who didn't want children so it was kind of a given that I would have children once I met dh. Dh is successful which is very freeing- I'm able to have a non stressful job, I like working but don't want anything stressful or with crazy hours. I have a lot of help with dcs, they drive me crazy a bit but are really wonderful- 4 and 7. I like a lot of time to relax and also time with friends and I do my best to make it happen. So i guess my answer is I'm happy but may have been happier in a different life without kids.
I am happy with how things turned out - I even had the exact wedding I envisioned as a girl and I'm still with my husband after 24 years. We have two dcs of opposite gender that never gave me too much trouble and actually get along (I can hear them gaming with their cousins virtually as I type laughing and whooping it up) and recently purchased a second home that we are super excited about making memories in. I do have to say that seeing myself getting older is really hard (managing weight - seeing wrinkles - I was hot in my 20's! - now - eh) . My career, although there isn't where I'd like it to be and, at 46 - I don't know if it will ever be. I feel invisible outside of my family if that makes sense. Feel like I need more to be really happy. Yes, I've been to therapy, etc - and I'm working on things but rationally, I know I have a really good life and am grateful for what I have.
overall, sounds pretty good! Have you done the work but things just haven’t clicked the way you wanted in your career or is it that in a vacuum, you would have wanted a “bigger” job than you have?
@Anonymous Re Career: I always fell forward then got stuck - I am trying to climb out of the hole and yes to the bigger job.
I don't think I ever really imagined anything. Never had traditional fantasies a la a big wedding and kids. I wasn't opposed to having kids but it wasn't a given. I have some regrets about my marriage - it's not terrible but I settled for someone who I liked but wasn't swept off my feet...assumed the alternative was being single forever...sometimes I think I would have been better off taking that chance.
Career-wise, I was never all that focused. Guess I always assumed I'd focus at some point. But here I am almost 50 and I still wonder what I'm doing with my life. Given that, I've been relatively successful, at least resume-wise (my profession is low-paying, so not in terms of $$).
I often feel jealous of people who seem to have much more successful careers and happier marriages. But also recognize that things could be worse - way worse. My kids are absolutely a joy - even as teenagers! - and I'm so grateful to have them in my life.