The last 2 years of marriage have been really bad. I had started to prepare, have been looking to get back to work since 2018, with no success. Being 50 does not help, especially since Covid happened.
He has always had "anger issues" over nothing and other things that I stupidly put up with for so long. Until the breaking point (and of course being stuck in an apartment since March only made everything worse) I had found some texts to a woman he had met at a dinner in 2017 (in his contact notes he only has the first name and wrote how he met her) that already made me cringe. I had always known the pw to his phone, so I checked a few times in the past months. But last week he changed it. There are other things he has been trying to hide.
He does extremely well financially and 3 years ago he had convinced me to leave my job (which did not pay much and I disliked - but still a job) citing how it made no sense, that I should "finally" just do something I like, that the money made no difference. Since then I have had no money coming in and he controls all finances. Our 2 dds are off to college (one his from his previous marriage the other is my daughter from ex dh) He has often "threatened" me of divorce in the past 3 months. Says he is just waiting for the pandemic to pass and then he'll have papers ready and does not owe me a thing (I signed a prenup).
I know I should speak to a lawyer, although I could really not afford to retain one - and someone I consulted with last year, said that "he has done a good job with the prenup" and that is not good news.
Anyway, the changed password (from someone who has kept the same for years) makes me more nervous. I have always been a good wife/partner, foolishly thinking he would certainly "calm down" go back to being the man I had fallen in love with 10 years ago. The fact that he might have a personality disorder does not make this any better.
The pandemic certainly does not make things easier...
Sorry for the long post, I need to vent tonight. Please no harsh comments if you can.