DD was very involved in an skating before Covid. She spent 6x per week practicing there. We spent tens of thousands of dollars (a lot for us). She did really well. The rink closed for a while, then reopened with restrictions, now there are no restrictions anymore, even though the law requires it (mask, occupancy). We decided to take her off the expensive monthly plan for now because she skates only 2x per week now and she takes fewer lessons. The owner basically yelled at me and said DD is forbidden from going on the monthly schedule for 6 months. Coach drives a wedge between DD and me and complains to my DD about me. I have a condition and am at high risk for Covid complications. I told the coach that.
^^ I think they will ban us from the rink pretty soon, as they have done with many people before. The sole reason being that I am unwilling to risk my life/health for the sport and at the same time can’t/won’t spend thousand on service that DD currently isn’t using.
How I would handle is by calculating the amount spent at the rink so far, the amount you planned to spend this year, and I would send him a note telling him that, and that you want to continue but unless he has a change of heart, which you need to protect your health, you have no choice except to start attending X rink. Please let you know if he'll reconsider as you'd love to continue supporting his business. And then I would go elsewhere. That cannot be the only rink in a 100-mile radius. He may be on the brink of bankruptcy, but alienating people is not going to help the situation.
OP. Problemen is that this is the only rink in town. The next closest is over an hour away, 1.5 hrs with weekday traffic. It’s not possible. My only option is a different sport...
^^ DD is now enjoying tennis. we have 3 within a 5 minute radius, probably at least 10 within a 30 minute radius. Seems like a better option because if something goes sour, we can easily go elsewhere. But ..... I spent around $50k on this, DD competes at state level, etc. So much invested and I don’t think that at her age, she will reach the same level in tennis (she’s 12).
You say another rink is an hour drive. How far is this rink? Is your concern more about your health (being exposed through your DD even if you dont sit in the rink?)or your DD being exposed? If she is as talented as you describe, I would think the owner would work with you because it is a feather in his/her cap tp be affiliated with a winning athlete.
If your goal is that she be outstanding at the sport, then he has leverage. If your goal is that she enjoys herself and stays fit, then you have options. And at twelve she could still be a great tennis player.
OP. I wonder if I should cut my losses and let her play tennis rather than skate. It breaks my heart a bit because she was living and breathing her sport for years. All of a sudden she decided she doesn’t want to do it anymore, she doesn’t like the way the rink is handling it (she is old enough to figure out when someone is being unfair to her). She wants to drop skating. At the moment I am making her skate 2x per week. The owners of the rink (old married couple, the sister of the husband is DD’s coach) are not reasonable, it’s impossible to talk to them in a rational way. As I said, I either play exactly by their rules or we‘re out.
Wait. Your daughter doesn’t even want to skate anymore? So what’s the issue? Save the hassle and money!
I think you should support your daughter's decision. She is old enough to decide for herself whether to continue. It sounds like you are having trouble coming to terms with her wanting to just do something else.
I think OP is having trouble with the rink owner and I believe she used to post on UB about this. I totally get it, it sucks to deal with people who know they have the upper hand and are trying to force you to pay more. But if the DD is talented and wants to continue, OP needs to pay.
@Anon Sounds like she doesn't want to continue, though, because she has (understandably) lost respect for her coach--and skating is a sport that really relies on that relationship. I would let her switch to tennis. With the work ethic she's developed from skating, she will probably be able to get decently good at it by HS. I know it sucks to feel like these assholes have driven you/her away from the sport, but realistically, they are the ones losing out on your business.
This is hard because it is another loss and you need to switch gears away from something that you had planned out. I know it is hard, but if she doesn't want to skate, cut your losses. It sounds like this is a lot of aggravation for something she doesn't want to do. I am not good about leaving something that isn't working but you are setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary angst. During this strange time, I think the top goal should be to simplify you and your families lives and keep stress at a minimum where you can. Good luck!
OP. I get it. But she went from living and breathing skating to completely wanting to drop it in a matter of weeks. I feel like she isn’t doing it for the right reasons. Before Covid she didn’t even want to go on a summer vacation because she didn’t want to miss 2 weeks of skating camp. All of a sudden, she thinks she isn’t good anymore or it’s because she doesn’t feel the love and community from the club anymore. To me, this isn’t right. If it were a process, ok - but just like this? from one day to the next? It seems like some overreaction to something someone said to her at the rink. I think she’ll regret it.
I understand where you are coming from. Maybe drive to the other rink then. I know it is really far away but if you do that a few times a week, you will really discover if the reason she wanted to stop was because of the awful people in the rink. It won't be easy but nothing worthwhile ever is.Maybe - and I am just putting this out there - she has been souring on it but was afraid to tell you. Sometimes kids think we will be disappointed if they stop doing something. No matter how crazy that sounds, maybe you want to talk to her about it in that context.
@Anon Thank you for the perspective. On the weekends it is actually possible to drive to the other rink. I think I will suggest this to her. I looked at their website this morning and they seem much more professional in their handling of Covid rules etc., which is also reassuring to me. I will ask DH if he is ok with driving her a few times to test it out. Thing is, they routinely kick people out who train at the other facility. Maybe it’s worth the risk though. I am sure that sooner or later, someone will see us there and report back to them.
^^ oh well, DD said she doesn’t want to do it because they will throw us out.
This would not be a hard call for me. I would stop spending my hard-earned money at a place that treats my family like dirt. There are lots of other sports and many other activities for your dd to participate in, and maybe she could choose something that doesn't usually lead to injuries and she can do for a lifetime, like play an instrument or make art. It's good to branch out and explore different things.
so dd doesn't want to skate at the current rink, but she also doesn't want to skate at the new rink because the old rink might find out and kick you out for good. This means that dd actually DOES want to skate, she just has conflicted feelings because of how they are treating you. This is a really good teachable moment. I would use it to tell DD that she should never subject herself to being treated as less than or to have her concerns brushed off in any relationship -- work, boyfriends, hobbies, etc. -- and that sometimes, when all else fails, you just have to end it to preserve yourself and your priorities. Tell the first rink that you prefer to be there, but you need to go to the second until COVID is over. You'll know a couple of times after being at the new one if dd is really truly done with the sport or if it was the situation that made her want to be done. 2 hours in the car is also great bonding time with a soon to be teenager, so there's a lot of good that can come of this. Or you could just try the new rink a couple of times and see how you feel about it before making any declarations to the first rink.
I remember you posting before on UB. And you used to complain a lot about other parents at the rink that you thought disparaged your DD because she was better than theirs, correct? This whole thing sounds overly dramatic. What is your goal here? You want her to skate in college or use it for college apps? Then you realize you are in for six more years of this -- are you really willing to keep paying tens of thousands of dollars to people who abuse you and try to interfere between you and your DD, because they are the only game in town? These are the people to whom you entrust your DD? Your DD is at a very impressionable age, so think about what lessons she is learning here. I know what my decision would be.