I agreed to be a buddy for a new mom that moved to our town and school this year. We’ve talked a few times and met outdoors twice with our kids. She’s definitely a glass half empty person which I find draining. Also whereas my first grader is my oldest and very young, hers is an only and she’s a single mom so her child is much more mature than mine and often pokes fun at my DS. Can I just slow fade or do I need to tell her why?
You can fast fade. both mom and child sound awful
not sure the kid qualifies as awful with the spotty details she's given us
I'm not sure what family composition has to do with maturity, but just tell her that even though you know her dc is just having fun, it hurts your dc to be made fun of, so let's plan for you to be a resource to her without playdates.
OP - she treats her son more like a peer than a child. He goes everywhere with her and spends most of his time with adults. I’m not judging her choices or situation, but he’s a very mature kid and mine candidly is immature. Just not a good fit
She did apologize after the last time as the teasing was mean spirited. But I just don’t want to spend time with either of them going forward.
Nothing to do with being a single mom, and nothing to do with being mature / immature. it's just not a good personality fit. She did apologize, so I give her credit for that. I'm not sure why you don't want to be a resource to her, even if you don't want your kids to play together or to meet up.
Are you in Connecticut?
Yes
I know someone with this exact circumstances who just moved there. Single mom, negative, etc. but it's a daughter, not a son.
OP - I think these times are very unsettling and a lot of people are feeling lonely and isolated. I really focus on being positive and that’s what I look for in friends too.
I don't think it really has to do with being a single mom. She just sounds like someone who likes to complain a little too much and she hasn't spent enough time reprimanding him regarding making fun of other people. It's unkind and hopefully he'll mature out of it. If you are truly assigned to be her 'buddy', it seems like a bit of a bad idea to totally bail. but how about you just make the meet ups fewer and further between? Also, remember when we grew up and every parent could parent any kid? Try that method. 'Matthew, that's not a very nice thing to say.' Then see his response. My kid has a friend like this. He can say cutting things. I call him on it very gently and he no longer does it around me. I hope if my kid is douching out at someone else's house and I'm not there that the parents will do me a solid and steer him in a better direction.
You sound like a great mom and a good friend :) I would do the same. I wish I knew you irl :)
OP I like this concept and this is how it goes with my siblings and friends. But I don’t know this family well enough. Plus the mother is so dour I’m sure her poor son picks up on her negativity
@Anonymous You're being super negative towards a new mom and her child. Are you sure you're not a glass half empty person yourself?
I don't know why you have to hang out with this woman and or help her any further. And no, reprimanding a child whose parent doesn't bother to do it themselves won't go over very well. She will be upset and defensive about it and you will end being the bad one. So I would fade slowly. I have zero tolerance for situations where older or more mature kids are mean to mine. And people like this woman just drain energy out of you.
Because she committed to be a buddy family. At the very least she needs to inform the organizers that it's not a good match.
I didn’t realize this is a program where they match up people to be buddies to new families. I would still talk to the person in charge and see if they can find a replacement, but not say why, just say you can’t find the time. Its Just a bad fit, the family would also benefit from having someone who is happy to do play dates and have a better relationship between the adults.
Yes I agreed to be a buddy but there wasn’t really a description of where we were supposed to do. And I know Ive done more than most
You've done more than most. I don't think a slow fade is warranted for this kind of relationship, I think you can just not be available anymore. Do you have plans you need to break, or you're just worried she'll try to make some? You can still be a resource if she has Qs about school or the town.
She sent a text the other day to apologize for her son’s behavior which I didnt reply to. We don’t have plans but I see her at pick up sometimes. I’m just going to wave and keep it light but not make any more plans
@Anonymous I totally see why you want to drop her, but please don't be rude. Reply to the text and accept the apology, it's the decent thing to do. After that, just be too busy for in person meetings.
Ok thanks. This is good advice.