@Anonymous I am someone who thinks the right thing to do is address this, but it is much easier to do that in an office environment with someone from HR, than to do it as a family employer with someone who comes into your home every day. I'm a very direct person and don't shy away from difficult situations, but as someone who works with people in the home and also at work, it's much more difficult to have hard conversations (and this is on a personal issue) and give feedback with home employees than work employees. And it has zero to do with credentials or anything like that; it has to do with the fact that there's a difference between people who are in your home vs. in your workplace.

@anonymous OP here, and exactly this. I am extremely direct, but this type of thing I would hand off to HR in the workplace and let them deal with it. You just don't want to be talking about personal hygiene with team members or colleagues because it can also raise legal issues. A home situation is totally, totally different, though I have been thinking about asking some HR friends how to have this conversation.

@Anonymous You clarified this is a young person, it is to her benefit longer term to know about this and address early on as it will come up in future job situations. Another poster suggested a kind way to start this conversation ... this is very awkward ,etc. you don't need to request that she change clothes just give her option to address in her own way. maybe she doesn't even realize it right now.

it bothers dc, who mentioned it :( DH has mentioned it. I noticed it and ignored, but it was definitely noticeable.

I would tell Dc to deal but that’s me. People don’t always smell the same way we do and many things in life are outside our control. I don’t think a kid should dictate the hygiene habits of an adult. That’s my personal opinion but again to each her own.

@anonymous OP here, and yes, I agree. It can really hold you back, and it's the type of thing no one will ever say because it's easier just to move on to someone else. I think it's truly just a matter of taking clothes off, tossing them onto a chair and then rolling out of bed, pulling on the same pants or leggings or whatever and rewearing them without realizing that you're not clean and the clothes are not clean, either. Just because we're all living mostly inside doesn't mean we don't sweat, excrete, etc etc. And then at some point, you become immune to your own smell and may not even notice. I really have to think about how to go about this. It's terribly awkward and we don't want to embarrass her or hurt her feelings or lose her. But we also don't want to keep going like this, either.

@Anonymous Not saying you would do this, but I would really avoid going into any explanations or assumptions as to what might be in her head. Maybe something along the lines of, "This is an extremely awkward conversation, but I want to be fully transparent with you in our relationship. We are sensitive to smell and are detecting some body odor from you. We are not judging you at all for it, but are wondering if you would mind changing into a clean set of clothing when you arrive? Or if you prefer, addressing it in some other way."

@anonymous I wouldn't. Was just making the point that different people are different in their approach to this type of thing, and it's actually ok (usually!). I have to think about how to say this. A reference to B.O. I'm sure would feel hurtful and mortifying. And like I said in response to someone else, some of it is the clothes, but some of it is just her, and I don't want to be in a situation of escalating what we ask of her (first it was change of clothes, now it's showering, etc.). I hope to have a one and done conversation about this.

@Anonymous Was this always there - during interview and initial working time or did it come up later? Maybe something going on at home? Either way directly addressing it in a nice way is the way to go. I cannot believe there are poster suggesting you fire this person without discussing first.

@Anonymous No indication during the interview process. I'm also very sensitive to ripped clothes, etc, and it's really not that at all. It's really just insufficient washing.

I would fire. This is indicative of poor judgment.

This is a great idea in terms of clothes changing, and I wouldn't mind the laundry aspect at all. Would just buy a few and then do wash it all weekly. But (and this is a big but), dc isn't a baby, so might seem weird? And caregiver drives to avoid the subway, so might seem especially strange to ask for clothes changing. I think I could get away with it if the subway were involved but absent that, I think it's tough, and might seem weird? Any thoughts? I really need help with this. It's really bad. DF suggested putting diffusers around, so might give that a try.

I think it would be totally normal for Covid times. A lot of us wiped groceries with alcohol wipes just a few months ago, people are still having varying degrees of being careful (or a little crazy) and that's OK. I don't know if I could ask her to take a shower as someone suggests below but if you could go ahead. What's to lose? It seems you can't adjust to the smell so it's either trying something or losing the nanny.

@Anon Would LOVE to ask her to take a shower here, but that feels like a step too far -- haha! :) I think the most I could do would be change of clothes, which I'm not even sure would address the fundamental problem.