father of DD’s friend tells his daughter that she’s dumb, there’s nothing in her head, that she has a monkey brain etc. The girl is extremely smart and he is destroying her confidence. Is this just harsh parenting or emotional/psychological abuse?
absolutely psychological abuse. And as someone who grew up in an abusive household, the psychological abuse has done far more lasting damage to me than the physical abuse ever could.
I am so sorry to hear that. What would have helped you? If the parents had separated and you could have stayed with the nice/normal parent? Family therapy when you were a child?
Yes I used to beg my mother to divorce him but she always had a reason why she couldn’t. They’re still together. They were both abused as kids, it’s a cycle. Maybe therapy for him could have helped, but he would have had to be willing to go, of course.
You should tell the friend that she’s none of those things, that’s just her dad’s unfortunate sense of humor, and that she should ignore and believe in herself.
Don't tell the girl this is because of his unfortunate sense of humor. I hate people hiding all sorts of negative behavior behind humor (yes my parents did/do that). Tell it like it is - it's not about her, the dad has other problems and unfortunately he is taking it out on her. Tell her this should not be happening but it is and she is smart and deserves better. I have no idea how much that will help but having someone believe in you can't hurt.
It's not objectively humorous. That doesn't mean it's not HIS sense of humor at work. It may well be. He may not intend to be doing the damage he's doing, and she should ignore it. I don't know what "telling it like it is" means. But I am willing to bet substantial sums that if CPS were called, he would say he's just joking. So fine, accept that explanation but still tell her it's not accurate or right.
@Anonymous Did I not read something OP posted? Where do you even get the whole joke and humorous thing? These are excuses for his behavior which is simply abusive and OP should not have to try to excuse it. Telling a child she is dumb and has nothing in her head is in no way a joke. What he would tell CPS is irrelevant.
is there any way for you to talk with the dad that your child friend has mentioned what he says and how upsetting it is to her? maybe he doesnt realize the damage he is doing..
There is no way a parent can tell a child they are dumb and the other things in the OP and not realize they are doing harm. I wish we could stop with the fiction that all parents mean well. Some don't. Pretending that they do is a form of gaslighting that just doubles down on the damage the parents are doing.
absolutely psychological abuse. And as someone who grew up in an abusive household, the psychological abuse has done far more lasting damage to me than the physical abuse ever could.
I am so sorry to hear that. What would have helped you? If the parents had separated and you could have stayed with the nice/normal parent? Family therapy when you were a child?
Yes I used to beg my mother to divorce him but she always had a reason why she couldn’t. They’re still together. They were both abused as kids, it’s a cycle. Maybe therapy for him could have helped, but he would have had to be willing to go, of course.
You should tell the friend that she’s none of those things, that’s just her dad’s unfortunate sense of humor, and that she should ignore and believe in herself.
Don't tell the girl this is because of his unfortunate sense of humor. I hate people hiding all sorts of negative behavior behind humor (yes my parents did/do that). Tell it like it is - it's not about her, the dad has other problems and unfortunately he is taking it out on her. Tell her this should not be happening but it is and she is smart and deserves better. I have no idea how much that will help but having someone believe in you can't hurt.
It's not objectively humorous. That doesn't mean it's not HIS sense of humor at work. It may well be. He may not intend to be doing the damage he's doing, and she should ignore it. I don't know what "telling it like it is" means. But I am willing to bet substantial sums that if CPS were called, he would say he's just joking. So fine, accept that explanation but still tell her it's not accurate or right.
@Anonymous Did I not read something OP posted? Where do you even get the whole joke and humorous thing? These are excuses for his behavior which is simply abusive and OP should not have to try to excuse it. Telling a child she is dumb and has nothing in her head is in no way a joke. What he would tell CPS is irrelevant.
Abuse. Similar thing happened to me growing up. I found out way too late in life that I'm not stupid.
is there any way for you to talk with the dad that your child friend has mentioned what he says and how upsetting it is to her? maybe he doesnt realize the damage he is doing..
There is no way a parent can tell a child they are dumb and the other things in the OP and not realize they are doing harm. I wish we could stop with the fiction that all parents mean well. Some don't. Pretending that they do is a form of gaslighting that just doubles down on the damage the parents are doing.
You can't be serious. Plenty of people say/do things like that without realizing they are doing harm.
Can you get the school involved? That may be more effective.