I am just so upset right now. DD12 came home from school (private school that is having in person school) and told me that one of her best friends is having all of dd's other close friends over this weekend and did not invite dd. We invite these girls over all the time. And the mother of the host girl is someone I think of as a friend (as in, we socialize occasionally without dcs and do each other favors). I am so hurt by this.
I'd call/write to the mom, nicely asking why my DD wasn't included and saying she was hurt. Your DD imo could also reach directly to the girl and say frankly, she was hurt not being invited. No need to be over dramatic, and do not pin their back to the wall.
I wouldn't ignore, but I would just show -minor- hurt, no more reaction than that.
The best reaction is 1)you've noticed the slight and are a bit disappointed/hurt 2) but you don't care much in the long term (=the friendship is not that precious that you're willing to be a doormat)
@Anonymous OP: thank you. This was my initial thought too but to dd, this is the equivalent of putting a sign on the side of my car saying "my dd is a loser."
DON'T call the mom. How mortifying for your dd. If she wants to know why she wasn't invited, she needs to ask her friend or ignore. That being said, it's really obnoxious of the other family to exclude your daughter.
@MidtownMom Yes, please don't call the other mom. I don't think that would end well.
Imo ignoring is a too obvious reaction. They'll push further next time to get a reaction. That why she has to react, but in a grown-up way.
She should show that she noticed the slight, was midly hurt for 5mn (=not devastated), but because she is fabulous, and has a life outside this circle of "friends", she doesn't care much.
...even if she does. Fake it until you make it.
Please do not call the mom!!
+1
I think this is a good time to teach dd about friendship calibration. Your best friend as an adult may or may not be someone you knew in childhood -- likely not. "Best friend" status changes a lot at this age, and now she knows that the BFF does not think they are as close as dd thought, and that's ok -- all information (even if it's hurtful) is good information, and now she can use that to adjust expectations she has of this girl.
So if it were my dd, I would acknowledge the hurt (oh no! I'm so sorry :( That must have really hurt your feelings.), but then I would engage her on why she thinks that happened, what message does she think the girl is sending, maybe this is just her awkward way of saying she wants to broaden her friendship circle, if that was the goal, how could she have handled it better? Help her process this so that she comes to a point where she is accepting of the fact that it stinks, but that she's going to be ok with some adjusted expectations.