I went to a fancy private school in CT, and even though we were very well off, I felt like the poorest kid in the class. Currently have 2 DDs at a fancy UES preschool, and we're applying to K. Our HHI is ~$1-1.3mm / year, so we can afford it but it's not nothing to us. When do kids realize they are less wealthy? Do they feel bad about it? Currently, older DD has lots of friends in preschool, teachers say she is very bright, and she spends all her time asking questions about numbers and science, and I am not even a little worried about her keeping up academically. But don't want to put her in a situation where she will feel insecure as a preteen / teen. Any feedback is helpful - TIA!
Uh... At that level of income I don't think you are going to feel poor. You can afford fancy vacations and a modest Hamptons or other summer home. That's all you really need to "keep up." The private jet crowd is exceptional, not the norm.
And by the time you get to the teen years, any TT has become a pressure-cooker. Kids are more focused on their academics at that point, as they don't have time for much else. It's the easier elementary years where the kids could wonder why Susie lives in a 5-story townhouse and jets off on private planes whenever school has a break.
Not sure what you’re thinking. At that income, you need to go public. Definitely.
Are you kidding?
https://www.google.com/search?&q=irony
@Anonymous LOL!!! So much better than LMGTFY. HAHA!
Nice to see some classic UB humble brags on this board.
Our family makes half that salary and have one DC at a private TT. On that salary, we are full pay, own our home, take nice vacations. We don't own a summer house. DC is perfectly fine at school as there is a wide range. We are solidly and comfortably in the middle.
Yeah, you're definitely MC, too, at 650k.
LOL.
Yeah, I'm a NYC native, so I know all about "but at TT privates..." and blah blah blah.
Can we please set up a "downvote" or "dislike" feature on this board?
In defense of PP, she said “in the middle”. I interpreted that to mean at her school v MC. Otherwise, I agree with all other posters. To OP: what is your alternative anyway, switch to a 2T/3T with no private jet club in hopes that you are among the wealthiest?
@Anonymous What makes you think a 2T/3T is any less wealthy? They *all* cost close to $60k. The TTs are probably less wealthy bc they have more Financial Aid to give out and mega wealthy parents who aren't *as* concerned with the tippy top education send their kids to 2T and beyond.
My DCs are also at a TT private and our HHI is less than yours. While my older one does notice that some of her friends have huge brownstones that are bigger than our apt, it's really not an issue or something she brings up regularly. She more complains about things her friends are able to do that she can't - like stay up later, have playdates during the pandemic, etc (not money related at all). FWIW, I went to a very fancy and very affluent private school in another state and while I was not the poorest by far, my parents are very cheap and we had a big/nice home but I was not allowed to have the newest and most fashionable clothes and accessories everyone else had, we didn't go on fancy vacations (or anywhere really) and I didn't get a fancy car when I got my license like friends... but it has nothing to do with being able to afford it because we could. Regardless, while I was annoyed my parents would not buy me everything I wanted as a teenager, it has been a non-issue as an adult and perhaps is what motivated me to work hard so I didn't need to rely on my parents.
We're right at your HHI and didn't go private, in great part because of the money/lifestyle. I don't want to hang out with private jet people and I don't want my kids growing up thinking that's normal.
My kids, at 13 and 10, don't seem to have picked up on just how wealthy or famous some of their friends' parents are. I think that is in part because DH and I don't talk about it and partly because these aren't classmates, just sports team buddies or friends of friends. We have no regrets about going with public school and we opted not to apply for MS or HS this year. It wouldn't be a good fit.
So your kids go to a NYC DOE public?
Yes
NP- I would also go public on OPs salary bc I would be disgusted at the idea of my kid thinking we were UMC/MC. Not because there is anything shameful about being middle class, but frankly a 1M+ salary is extreme wealth and I would be doing everything possible to ensure that DC is aware of that privilege and stays humble. I think having that perspective is more important than academics, especially given the safety net and other educational opportunities that such a salary would provide (aside from private k-12).
A comment in the thread mentioned this, but why single out TT here? In my experience you are much more likely to find the showy wealthy (that kids pick up on) at 2T/3T/4T schools. The TT schools are very demanding after the early years, and the wealthiest don't always want to deal with that. Put another way, TT schools will crimp the family lifestyle, so if jetting away all the time and living fabulously is your aim, you may not want to sign up for a TT!
DC went to a non-TT private where there was extreme wealth, like hedge fund wealth. DC was oblivious, doesn't know or care who has what and who doesn't. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't think that's a thing for most kids if the parents don't make it a thing.
HUGE piece of the conversation missing here - wealth is not static. you don't necessarily have the same HHI for a kid in K as you will for a kid in 9th grade. decide what you can afford NOW and what school helps you do your job, that your kid likes, that gives them the best chance in life. a lot of private parents need to send kids to private bc once you are being paid $500k+ base salary your boss expects you to be all in at work so it's maybe worth the cost to send a kid to a school where you can expect they will take care of all the things. or not if not. stop overthinking.
OP you really need to address your insecurities vis-a-vis other people’s income. It is very strange that an adult woman, a mother, would feel so insecure about her status in this world. Is all the money you have new money? Were you an FA child? I honestly haven’t seen so much insecurity in an adult in a long time.
I agree with this comment. Sounds like she is projecting her own past and present insecurities on her children -- and of course, they will pass, unless you actively work on having some perspective and feelings of enough-ness, gratitude, whatever. Just to note our HHI is much much less but we are still somehow sending our DC to private and making it work (but yes it's a real stretch) -- and it is the least of my concern that my DC might feel "insecure" around wealthier people, it is a good life skill and perspective to develop how to handle those feelings.
Agreed. Esp for someone whose HHI is $1.2 mil, and she is concerned that her child / family would be considered "poor"! The Horror!
I'm proud to say that my child is currently at a TT private and we're FA. I'm proud that my child got in with her own abilities (given we needed FA). Yes, there's a lot of wealth. However, I think the fact that you're concerned tells a lot about what you value in life. My child sees the wealth of others, but is not concerned or bothered. I'm proud to have raised her to not value money over everything else, and not let the money (or lack thereof) define her. She is comfortable being who she is.
If you're passing your "value" to your child even at this age, I think he/she will have lifelong issues with money - and self esteem - in the future.
Your child has achieved what many adults, including OP, have not. Fingers crossed that she stays so grounded! You have great child rearing skills and we could all learn from you.