Cheating on spouse; single person in affair with married person. I have been poised to cut off life-long friendships over these scenarios. I'm not the friend who is going to help you find a place to bury the body of someone you killed. Sorry.
Toxicity. I like to be around happy people. Its been decades since I was “close“ with someone like that (narcissistic, insecure, gossipy, unhappy) so I steer clear anyway but that is a dealbreaker for me. Not sure that there is anything that would be a dealbreaker for a close friend now - unless she slept with my husband!
Tardiness I hate people who are always late. Also negative toxic unhappy unsuccessful people as mentioned above. And liars, I like to be transparent and I appreciate that in others
Wow -- you cut people off for being late? Are you controlling in general? Not being mean, genuinely curious. Because the only people I know like that are extremely tightly wound, controlling people.
@Anonymous np. I also hate people who are always late. The emphasis on always. One it twice it's fine, but if you never make an effort to show up on time, to me it means you have no respect for my time. I am not controlling in any way, maybe more sensitive but the whole point is, if someone is not making me feel good, I don't need them.
OR - success is totally relative to the person. I don’t care who you are or what you do but be happy and grateful and confident. That’s my definition! I find that most unhappy people are unsuccessful relative to their personal goals, then theyre bitter and mean spirited
Someone who cancelled on me constantly - like five times in a row, usually with little notice. If you can't bring yourself to stick with a plan at least once in a while, don't bother making one. Have no patience for flakes.
A friend had always been sort of mean. We ended up getting pregnant at about the same time. She was due a few months before me. She ended up naming her son the name we were planning to use (she didn’t know this). I asked if she minded if we used it. We live in totally different parts of the country. She said it was a little weird, but she didn’t mind. A few days after my son was born, she sent a nasty email saying she changed her mind, didn’t know it would make her feel so bad, it was totally weird I used that name, etc etc etc. What good could have come from that? I ignored. She later tried to reconcile but after years of similar behavior, I was done.
Your mistake was asking her if she minded. You should have just said, NO WAY! We picked Aidan too -- how cool is that? But you made it sound like you wanted to use "her" name. Not excusing her behavior, but that was not set up well by you.
Yeah, I know. But given what I knew about her, and how she can be, I thought by securing her “blessing” I was choosing the path that Would cause the least drama after childbirth. I was wrong anyway, so....
Friend bailed repeatedly and told white lies to excuse behavior. Got tired of feeling disappointed and her minimizing her behavior, "I didn't mean it."
I could see how this could feel disrespectful after repeat behavior. It's really up to the responder's interpretation and tolerance. I think I would fade that friend. Recently a friend told me she won't meet in person and will only text, after initially agreeing to meet. not sure how to process that and am backing off. I think there are ways to meet safely (distanced, masked) and she had initially concurred. These are strange times and I need to protect my own feelings first. That said I need whatever distraction and support I can get so I don't want to cut people completely. if there's something in it for you- then do it , if not, forget it.
This seems completely unreasonable. We're in a pandemic on the verge of a solution, we hope, as nasty new strains circulate among us. I would never cut off a friend because she didn't feel comfortable getting together in person at this time. Come on.
@Anonymous ?? What are you waiting for? Do you have something you want to say? If so, reach out to her. IDK. Somehow you sound both controlling and needy and a little bit passive aggressive. The pandemic is not bringing out the best in anyone I don't think, so I would cut her some slack and hope she does the same for you.
Cheating on spouse; single person in affair with married person. I have been poised to cut off life-long friendships over these scenarios. I'm not the friend who is going to help you find a place to bury the body of someone you killed. Sorry.
Toxicity. I like to be around happy people. Its been decades since I was “close“ with someone like that (narcissistic, insecure, gossipy, unhappy) so I steer clear anyway but that is a dealbreaker for me. Not sure that there is anything that would be a dealbreaker for a close friend now - unless she slept with my husband!
+2. I can’t deal with narcissists and all the baggage they come with. My mom was narcissistic and it is a huge trigger for me.
+1 These people are emotional vampires, just drain energy form you but never contribute.
Tardiness I hate people who are always late. Also negative toxic unhappy unsuccessful people as mentioned above. And liars, I like to be transparent and I appreciate that in others
Wow -- you cut people off for being late? Are you controlling in general? Not being mean, genuinely curious. Because the only people I know like that are extremely tightly wound, controlling people.
@Anonymous np. I also hate people who are always late. The emphasis on always. One it twice it's fine, but if you never make an effort to show up on time, to me it means you have no respect for my time. I am not controlling in any way, maybe more sensitive but the whole point is, if someone is not making me feel good, I don't need them.
@Anon That's so interesting. I never take someone being late as having anything to do with me. It's their time management issue.
Define "unsuccessful"?
OR - success is totally relative to the person. I don’t care who you are or what you do but be happy and grateful and confident. That’s my definition! I find that most unhappy people are unsuccessful relative to their personal goals, then theyre bitter and mean spirited
Someone who cancelled on me constantly - like five times in a row, usually with little notice. If you can't bring yourself to stick with a plan at least once in a while, don't bother making one. Have no patience for flakes.
Fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice - shame on me. In other words - when people show you who they truly are- believe them.
I appreciate friends that are loyal, honest and reliable. Therefore I’m not good at dealing with fake, dishonest and disloyal people
A friend had always been sort of mean. We ended up getting pregnant at about the same time. She was due a few months before me. She ended up naming her son the name we were planning to use (she didn’t know this). I asked if she minded if we used it. We live in totally different parts of the country. She said it was a little weird, but she didn’t mind. A few days after my son was born, she sent a nasty email saying she changed her mind, didn’t know it would make her feel so bad, it was totally weird I used that name, etc etc etc. What good could have come from that? I ignored. She later tried to reconcile but after years of similar behavior, I was done.
Your mistake was asking her if she minded. You should have just said, NO WAY! We picked Aidan too -- how cool is that? But you made it sound like you wanted to use "her" name. Not excusing her behavior, but that was not set up well by you.
Yeah, I know. But given what I knew about her, and how she can be, I thought by securing her “blessing” I was choosing the path that Would cause the least drama after childbirth. I was wrong anyway, so....
I know another friendship that ended over this too!
Friend bailed repeatedly and told white lies to excuse behavior. Got tired of feeling disappointed and her minimizing her behavior, "I didn't mean it."
I could see how this could feel disrespectful after repeat behavior. It's really up to the responder's interpretation and tolerance. I think I would fade that friend. Recently a friend told me she won't meet in person and will only text, after initially agreeing to meet. not sure how to process that and am backing off. I think there are ways to meet safely (distanced, masked) and she had initially concurred. These are strange times and I need to protect my own feelings first. That said I need whatever distraction and support I can get so I don't want to cut people completely. if there's something in it for you- then do it , if not, forget it.
This seems completely unreasonable. We're in a pandemic on the verge of a solution, we hope, as nasty new strains circulate among us. I would never cut off a friend because she didn't feel comfortable getting together in person at this time. Come on.
I told her I get it, but she hasn't reached out to me in a week or so so what should I do but give her space? I'm not demanding attention.
@Anonymous ?? What are you waiting for? Do you have something you want to say? If so, reach out to her. IDK. Somehow you sound both controlling and needy and a little bit passive aggressive. The pandemic is not bringing out the best in anyone I don't think, so I would cut her some slack and hope she does the same for you.