I feel sad that I gave dc this man as a father. He’s not interested in anything that they’re doing. He doesn’t engage with them on anything. He’s literally spent the entire day watching TV and doing his own thing in our bedroom. Hasn’t seen dc all day; but they’re driving me nuts. Thoughts? TIA.
Men suck.
Op: not sure all men....I’ve seen some fathers that are very engaged and interested in their dc life. I just picked a loser.
@Anonymous Most men put themselves first.
@BrooklynMom op: yes that’s exactly it. He prioritizes himself always.
Is he depressed?
Op: not at all.....he had a great day.
have you talked to him about this? how old are the kids?
Op: yes throughout their childhood, I have made comments. But I don’t outright say what I need to say because he gets defensive and starts arguing; dcs are older now - 12 and 10 - he was much worse when they were infants. At least now, he’ll sometimes play video games (once every few months).
@Anonymous Now that they are older, you need to leave him alone with them. Maybe he will still ignore them, but you won't be there to pick up his slack.
@Anonymous things aren't going to change if you don't make it uncomfortable. Why not say sometng and have a serious talk? your kids deserve a decent dad and a chance to have a relationship with him.
Mine is a good father and a lousy husband (not abusive but similarly dis-engaged). Which is worse?
Op: not sure....but my heart breaks for my dc whose father could care less. Im sure this is hard for you but you’re an adult. My dh is a lousy spouse too.
My DH has been out of work since March and I've been WFH. I know there's not much to do with DC, but he literally spends all day laid out on the couch while DC play on their iPads. He orders out nearly every meal and doesn't clean. I wish our roles were switched.
Op: omg.....this would drive me nuts.
I was going to post this the other day but thought I’d get flamed.
Sadly this type of DH non engagement with the kids is extremely common— see it in at least half the families we know.
what was his father like? what sort of a relationship did his father have with him? do you have any friends where the dh is an involved father? maybe you could all do something together with the children?
When I clicked not his post, I thought I was going to read something as lot worse than this. He doesn't sound like an "awful" father as much as a socially awkward or disengaged one. People have different abilities to relate to others. Does he literally ignore them? Or just doesn't engage in the way you think he "should"? At 10 and 12, the kids shouldn't need much "babysitting,' since they are more independent. Do they say they wish their father would do more with them? If so, maybe arrange something for them to do together, like watch a video or have a video game tournament or something.
That’s just shared screentime. Fine but not really engaging. Send them out to the park to play ball. Send them with a snack if you have to or if they feel comfortable let them pick up food from a restaurant. Get them out of the house together.