The birthday of DD’s friend is coming up and the mom wants to organize a picnic get together for 4 friends. This is a great idea, except that the friend’s mom usually gets very insecure in front of people she likes to impress (like the two other moms). So I already know that she will use this opportunity to tear me down in front of these women, and I don’t even know them. so it will be very embarrassing for me and I don’t want to subject myself. DD is almost 13.
Are you sure this is what's going on?? Is it possible that she is saying thing that you're interpreting this way? Can you give an example?
Why do you think she will try to tear you down? Has she done it before? What kind of stuff does she say? If you have a relationship with her like this, I would stop hanging out with her. She is toxic. You can drop your DD off at the party.
You can't drop her off? What 13 year old wants to hangout with a bunch of moms anyway?