In my 20s, I would experience anxiety as panic attacks that felt like health issues (feeling like I couldn't breathe or like my throat was closing or I was having a heart attack or gallbladder attack and ended up in the ER several times with panic attack as the diagnosis). I went to therapy and got that under control and then in my 30s, I started experiencing waves of anxiety that felt very much connected to a specific worry (did I mess up at work, is my relationship in trouble, did I do something wrong, is that weird symptom cancer). I feel like I've gotten a handle on those kinds of intrusive thoughts but now I just have bouts of anxiety that I can't connect to anything in particular and it's the worst type of all. Because there's no ER doctor to say, you're not having a heart attack, and there's no rational conversation with myself or anyone else to confirm that I did not do something wrong or that so what if I did, life goes on. It's just a general feeling of dread even when there's nothing in particular that I'm worrying about (aside from the usual things we all worry about). Can anyone relate?
I can relate to the feeling of dread. Like you, mine is generally not connect to anything in particular. It's just a low-level feeling of something being not quite right. I'm on anti-anxiety medication, and while it definitely helps, it also makes me sleepy. I can't take it if I have to drive or have a challenging project to work on.
My daughter gets these. She gets them more often when she’s in places and spaces in her life where she is generally unhappy and not sure of her standing. When she’s good it all miraculously goes away. I can’t tell you how many times I raced to the doctor bc I thought she was having a stroke or heart attack . It’s very real. But try to tell yourself that the reality is you don’t auffer from heart issues or any weird thing, rather you suffer from anxiety and walk yourself right off the ledge from there. Hang in these times are tough!
Yes, this is me. I was diagnosed with depression years ago. Realized my drinking escalating, so finally got myself into therapy. Diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD from childhood. I'm still a work in progress, but with therapy, EMDR, journaling, educating myself about my diagnoses and meditation, life is so much better. Please fi d a therapist, OP, your life can be free of the anxiety. Best wishes for you.
Can you talk about EMDR more? I have PTSD too and have heard of this therapy, but don't know much about it.
NP I did EMDR a few years ago and it was really helpful. There is a great book called The Body Keeps the Score which has a chapter about exactly how EMDR works in the brain, though the author admits that they aren't actually sure exactly why it works but he posits some theories. I recommend this book to everyone because it describes in detail how overwhelming experiences imprint on us and how our brains work! It's a hard read in places but really rewarding. The author was on On Being podcast recently which is a shorter way in to the same ideas. He discusses EMDR.
Thank you, this is very helpful!
I think there is a serious genetic component to this. We are anxious and so are our parents. Perhaps thinkjng that it’s not your fault might ease some of that anxiety too.
I agree - I have anxiety and both my parents had it. I think it's genetic then manifests different based on experiences / coping mechanisms
Yes probably genetic and it doesn't help to be in a pandemic. Since April I'm having a ton of luck coping with anxiety taking Irwin Ashwagandha twice a day...helps me sleep too.
What is Irwin ?...
Irwin is the brand of the Ashwagandha that I take.
this is an anxiety disorder and you can get treatment for it if you want. CBT can often help pretty quickly.
YES. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my 30s and it used to be more panic attacks and would go in cycles without being a constant thing. Then I experienced a bunch of big losses in the last few years, and managed to actually deal with some of the unprocessed stuff that contributed to my panic attacks which really helped and seemed to nearly cure me.
But now at 42 I am starting to have more of just constant physical anxiety, and it feels so unconnected to anything going on mentally or specific worries. I know the current state of things contributes to it but it's not direct worrying. It feels almost like just physical illness completely disconnected from my thoughts.
I haven't yet figured out how to handle it. I know all the usual anxiety fixes (quit caffeine, exercise, mediation) will help but I'm having a hard time doing them because I'm just so sick of dealing with this and I resent all the work I have to do to be okay. I have meditated a few times in the past couple of weeks and it does help, though.
np: I am a decade older than you. EMDR worked for me. This is not a mind or over matter issue. This is an issue at a neurological level. EMDR changes your brain by rewriting traumas (even if they are no capital T traumas). For instance, I did EMDR on some things that happened to me in childhood. Suddenly I was able to get in an elevator again and ride the subway again. Everything is connected. GL to you.
OP: thank you all for weighing in. It helps a lot to feel less alone and I can really relate to the poster just above talking about how hard it is to maintain normal coping skills during the pandemic. I have had some trauma in the past though and I am going to look into emdr. The idea of trauma remaining in the body resonates.
For OP and others who wrote to say they felt the same, just adding that you guys have in common that you have worked through a lot of anxiety already. Maybe this new kind you’re feeling, without a strong narrative (there’s no “I effed up at work“ story or “my health is collapsing” story) is actually the prize for that work? When you feel anxiety crashing your party on its own, with no accompanying story, could that let you notice more quickly that the anxiety is a physical/emotional sensation your body is generating? And then address that with meditation, meds, continuing therapy, anything that helps get perspective and symptom reduction? Tl;dr this sounds genuinely awful, but maybe it also represents your progress, and maybe it tees up more progress.
Zoloft saved my life.